Vicky Goes On (Again)

Category: Stuff that has happened

  • Feed the birds

    Sit down.
    Listen to me.
    Listen. To me.
    You know pigeons? You’ve know them, you definitely do. I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong. They’re good. You’re thinking “feral” and “ugh flying rats”.
    You’re thinking “filthy vermin”.

    Well, shut up. Listen to me. They’re nice. It’s all our fault (as per) and they deserve to be treated better.

    For five thousand (5,000) years pigeons were our friends. ALL OVER THE WORLD we kept them and loved them, fed them, used them for work (sending messages), and taught them to rely on us. And then we abandoned them.
    Because we’re bastards.

    We really are bastards.

    And isn’t it funny how doves are pretty and used at weddings and on greetings cards? Well, guess what. PIGEONS ARE DOVES. So shut it.

    Since learning of the human abandonment of pigeons I have softened towards them. They’re cool. They lack nest making skills because we bred them as pets for all that time and they lost the ability to live wild and now they don’t know what they’re doing and I understand (I overstand, to be honest. And the older I get the more I realise no-one knows what they’re doing and that’s scary).

    Don’t misunderstand me. This isn’t some coming out as a pigeon-fancier post. I’m not going to be buying an aviary and getting racing pigeons. I’m just saying can we please be kinder to the creatures? And, when you go to the park to allow your toddler to feed the ducks leave a little for the pigeons (and the starlings, the robins, the crows, and all the other birds) too.

    The picture (above) was taken at Lordship Lane Recreation ground. I had purchased some “wild bird feed” which the birds were NOT interested in but they flocked for the slightly out of date brown bread which is apparently bad for them. Maybe that’s the bird equivalent of having a cheeky McDonald’s? Well, I mixed the bird feed with it and tricked ’em. So, HAH! I’ll make the north London bird community fit and healthy whether they like it or not.
    This was the same occasion I got sunburn because I was too busy ensuring that all the birds managed to get some food. They’d better have appreciated it.

  • Some Might Say (we’re too nostalgic)

    Did you hear that Oasis have reunited (and it feels so good)? I’ll bet you have because from the announcement to the ticket sales fiasco to the opening shows that is all I know about the current music scene. Oasis have reformed and they’re on tour and middle-aged men are sticking on their bucket hats and sticking drugs up their noses (allegedly) and being Mad Fer It and re-living the 90s.

    Ah, the 90s when life was good and we were all so happy. No economic issues (apart from that recession in the early 90s and Black Wednesday), no wars (apart from the Gulf War, many civil wars, Al-Qaeda insurgency… look, I looked this up on Wiki and felt overwhelmed with despair so let’s not get into it), great snacks, great fashion, 5 TV channels, hey – no problems at all.
    Cool Britannia. Brit Pop. So much colour, everywhere, all of the time. No wonder grey is so popular nowadays. Although I do fear that the pendulum has swung too far away from colour. Have we never thought about the middle-ground?

    Look, I liked Oasis. I liked Blur. I liked Portishead, TLC, Madonna, Pulp, Sade. I have eclectic tastes. I even owned an Oasis T Shirt I bought on the Portobello Road. Because I was cool. And it was cheap and I lived nearby and we didn’t have the internet. And Woolworth’s still existed. And life was easy. BECAUSE YOU WERE YOUNGER. And now you’ve got kids/mortgage/knee pain (maybe all three. I just have knee pain) and you’re thinking about mortality and purpose and looking back is more comforting than looking forward. Guys, we’re here because we’re here. That’s the meaning of life.

    Oasis have reformed because they want all that sweet, sweet cash. I think this says more about the dire state of the music industry than anything else. Artists have always been the people who profit the least from their music. They used to make some money from selling their music and now they don’t. They make money from touring. From merch. They don’t even make money from streaming. Isn’t that absolutely bat-shit insane? But record companies make money, don’t they? They always manage to profit. Wankers.

    What do we do about this? Support local bands. Go to small live music venues. This props up local bars and pubs, allows music lovers to see live music without selling a kidney for tickets, supports talent and not corporations and maybe will make us all bring a little bit of the 90s to this god forsaken time.

  • Heatwave 2025

    Bruce Castle Park, N17

    We have just been struggling with the harsh Summer sun.

    We’ve heard it all before. Every year we hear from holidaying Americans saying on social media, “oh man, the Brits were right. The heat is hotter over here and I’m from FLORIDA.’ So, I now own three (3) air coolers – one (1) is broken. It broke during the ‘Vicky is homeless’ tour of 2024. Ah well, shit happens. It’s now a bulky fan.

    How do we survive? Every year that this becomes an issue (albeit for a very short time only) it merely makes me imagine the desolate, wasteland, climate change ravaged future and I think, “welp, I will not be surviving the apocalypse, that’s for sure.” And I’m not even being pessimistic about it. I’m just over it. Last year I bought cooling pads and water sprays, stood under cold showers and put towels in the freezer. Now I am just all out of ideas. This year I have been sleeping with my cooling fan on all night and wake up stiff and feeling like I’m made of dried twigs and pain. I feel 97 years old. I feel like a hunchback crone. I can’t take it much longer. It doesn’t help that I have a new job and am hot-desking and no longer have a fancy chair. Maybe I should make occupational health purchase me a £3000 chair?*

    This year I have had to take a lot of annual leave recently because of the annual leave year (which, for me, runs from 1st Aug – 31st July) but had a lot to take before it ran out so I’ve been vacationing from home. This means that I got sunburnt feeding birds in Lordship Lane Recreation Ground. Do those birds even care that I suffered for them? Probably not. Selfish bastards.

    Top Tips for Surviving London Heatwaves

    • Wear LOOSE tops. I know ladies enjoy wearing cute little vests and think that less material is better but IT IS NOT. Also, men, put your tops back on. If Instagram can ban the nipple, so can I.
    • Bring water. Drink water. I am not a massive water drinker. My hydrated looking skin is a sham. I am dry like a husk normally. However, I will admit that since turning 43 I’ve been trying to drink more. Some. I’ve been drinking some water. And even I have upped that amount. I’ve even been using a refillable water bottle. Like a woman who does yoga or something.
    • Try to avoid the London Underground. Use the Overground or walk, very slowly, in the shade. With your water. If you do need to use the Tube please, for your sake, stick to: Hammersmith & City line, District line, Circle line, and the Metropolitan line. Also use the Elizabeth line.
    • KEEP YOUR WINDOWS AND CURTAINS/BLINDS CLOSED during the day. And please tell my flatmate that I know what I’m doing when I keep the windows and blinds closed.
    • I haven’t tried this myself but I might if it goes crazy again but apparently if you have an attic you should open the hatch so that the heat can escape into it. I currently live with TWO (2) attic hatches.

    That’s all I’ve got. Good luck out there.

    *My current work situation is a longer story that I may go into at a later point in our lives.