We have just been struggling with the harsh Summer sun.
We’ve heard it all before. Every year we hear from holidaying Americans saying on social media, “oh man, the Brits were right. The heat is hotter over here and I’m from FLORIDA.’ So, I now own three (3) air coolers – one (1) is broken. It broke during the ‘Vicky is homeless’ tour of 2024. Ah well, shit happens. It’s now a bulky fan.
How do we survive? Every year that this becomes an issue (albeit for a very short time only) it merely makes me imagine the desolate, wasteland, climate change ravaged future and I think, “welp, I will not be surviving the apocalypse, that’s for sure.” And I’m not even being pessimistic about it. I’m just over it. Last year I bought cooling pads and water sprays, stood under cold showers and put towels in the freezer. Now I am just all out of ideas. This year I have been sleeping with my cooling fan on all night and wake up stiff and feeling like I’m made of dried twigs and pain. I feel 97 years old. I feel like a hunchback crone. I can’t take it much longer. It doesn’t help that I have a new job and am hot-desking and no longer have a fancy chair. Maybe I should make occupational health purchase me a £3000 chair?*
This year I have had to take a lot of annual leave recently because of the annual leave year (which, for me, runs from 1st Aug – 31st July) but had a lot to take before it ran out so I’ve been vacationing from home. This means that I got sunburnt feeding birds in Lordship Lane Recreation Ground. Do those birds even care that I suffered for them? Probably not. Selfish bastards.
Top Tips for Surviving London Heatwaves
- Wear LOOSE tops. I know ladies enjoy wearing cute little vests and think that less material is better but IT IS NOT. Also, men, put your tops back on. If Instagram can ban the nipple, so can I.
- Bring water. Drink water. I am not a massive water drinker. My hydrated looking skin is a sham. I am dry like a husk normally. However, I will admit that since turning 43 I’ve been trying to drink more. Some. I’ve been drinking some water. And even I have upped that amount. I’ve even been using a refillable water bottle. Like a woman who does yoga or something.
- Try to avoid the London Underground. Use the Overground or walk, very slowly, in the shade. With your water. If you do need to use the Tube please, for your sake, stick to: Hammersmith & City line, District line, Circle line, and the Metropolitan line. Also use the Elizabeth line.
- KEEP YOUR WINDOWS AND CURTAINS/BLINDS CLOSED during the day. And please tell my flatmate that I know what I’m doing when I keep the windows and blinds closed.
- I haven’t tried this myself but I might if it goes crazy again but apparently if you have an attic you should open the hatch so that the heat can escape into it. I currently live with TWO (2) attic hatches.
That’s all I’ve got. Good luck out there.
*My current work situation is a longer story that I may go into at a later point in our lives.
Vicky Goes On (Again) 