Vicky Goes On (Again)

Tag: writing

  • Clocks go back, clocks go forward

    We’re nearing the time of the clocks going back one hour in the UK and it is giving me my biannual opportunity to say, “why don’t we just put them back/forward1 by half an hour and LEAVE IT THAT WAY FOREVER?”

    Did you know that for a few years in the 1960s the UK did not do the back/forward clock change thing? I asked my Dad if he remembered this experiment with time and what he thought of it. He said he did remember, it made little difference, and the Scottish farmers moaned about it. I’m here now asking if we can try my thing. It’s 2025 and I am sick of coming up with these ideas (smash capitalism, create some sort of limit to the amount of money an individual can own, have a rent cap…) and no-one listening to me. It’s because they’re scared of my genius. I know. I know.

    Iceland don’t change their clocks. The country, not the shop. The shop has to change their clocks just like the rest of us. Now, if it’s good enough for Iceland (again, the country, not the shop) it’s good enough for me. That place has 6 months of darkness. They know things about Winter. Also, they seem to cope with insane landscapes and like no surnames as such. We have a lot to learn from Iceland (once more, for humour, the country…).

    Time isn’t even a real thing. It’s real in as much as time passes etc but what we call it, what we decide the time is, the date, it’s all just arbitrary. It’s all an illusion. Most everything is. I’m afraid I am feeling too delusional for this post but I also fear that I must state categorically: WE SHOULD JUST CHANGE IT BY HALF AN HOUR AND BE DONE WITH IT FOREVER.

    What’s the downside?

    Please. I want to know. What is the downside? I have spent 13 minutes Googling it and cannot find a proper response to why this is a good/bad idea thus: when I am supreme ruler of Earth (benevolent) I will try it and we will all see that I was right – this is a fine idea. Or, OR, that I was wrong and this nonsense of changing the clocks twice a year is the best way to do things. I just wanna know. My curiosity will be the death of me.

    Anyway, times a-ticking. Good luck out there. Read your oven’s manual.

    1. depends if I’m saying this in Spring or in Autumn ↩︎

  • Bank Holiday

    It’s the last bank holiday of the Summer and the weather is slowly turning autumnal. The leaves are falling off the trees and the air is getting a bit crispy and clear. Also, since it’s August, it means it’s the Notting Hill Carnival.

    Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a curmudgeon about all sorts of things so don’t think that I’m singling Carnival out for any sort of ideological reasons. It’s just that I am from right near there and they always got in my fucking way. AND the shops locally try to rip off the locals thinking we’re carnival-goers. And the tube stations are exit only and the rubbish is strewn all over the bleedin’ shop.

    And another thing, some of us don’t want to stay awake listening to whistles, throbbing bass lines, and vuvuzelas (are they even still a thing actually?).

    I often wonder why I always feel so reluctant to get involved with bank holidays and summer fun. And I have realised that the reason I am reluctant is because everyone else is also there. I much rather have a random day off with a lot fewer people about. For someone born in London I sure don’t like crowds. Sidenote: I have just been having a conversation with the enigmatic flatmate where I just admitted that I find interacting with anyone at all a bit much. Sometimes. God, it’s hard being a human person.

    It’s not a bank holiday in Scotland or Ireland this week and that’s why i have always enjoyed visiting those countries during this weekend but in an effort to save some pennies I have not gone anywhere at all this year. And yet, I am still not a millionaire. I don’t even have Netflix.

    P.S. I want some barbecue chicken and I have been thinking about indoor, smokeless barbecue cookers. Who knew such things existed? What a world.

  • Delulu for Labubu

    I am sick of overconsumption. Not only because of the planet’s inevitable death under a pile of plastic but because it’s just bullshit.
    This all started winding me up with those Stanley Cups. I first heard about them and thought, ‘surely people aren’t going crazy over a Canadian Ice Hockey tournament.’ And I was right. People were going crazy over REUSABLE (please note the ‘reusable’) cups. I’ll admit, I own 2 water bottles. But one is bigger than the other and I use them. Both. OK, I gave the smaller one to the flatmate but he uses it. Sometimes.
    We’ve lived through so many fads (fidget spinners, scoubidous, Cabbage Patch Dolls, etc etc etc) but the Stanley Cup broke me and the Labubus are twisting the knife. Not only are those cups like £65 (not an exaggeration) but people were losing their minds collecting all of the colours, and then they buy bullshit accessories to add to them. A little cap, a tray, a pocket you can stick on the side. Then there are special ice cube molds for them, because heaven forbid you use regular ice cubes. Like a poor person.

    And now Labubus.

    demonic keyring capitalist nonsense

    Those are Labubus. And they are stupid. Look, I am not one to yuck someone’s yum but they’re just transparently addictive bullshit. Their USP is that they come in blind boxes, i.e. you don’t know which one you’re getting until you open it. That is so obviously a means to fuck with our addiction and dopamine sensors that I am sickened that people continue to fall for this. I can’t blame the companies. They are capitalist pigdogs who obviously want to make all of the money all of the time. I am sickened by the people falling for it. Time and time and time again.

    Innocent little guy

    When I first heard of the Labubu I thought people were talking about Moncchichi.

    Moncchichi was an innocent guy and now he’s tarred by this nonsense. Maybe he was at the beginning of this nonsense but at least there was none of the addiction high-jacking. You know where you were with this little guy.

    And the Labubu shit isn’t just about buying nonsense toys. On the one hand “they” want us to recycle and use paper straws and then on the other hand they’re selling us all this fucking shit and, the thing that really gets up my goat, WE FUCKING BUY IT.

    On the subject of recycling – I watched as a street sweeper emptied the recycling bin into the general waste bin and then put all that rubbish into one bigger bin. So, answer me: what the hell is any of this even for? Anyway, they put all the responsibility onto the consumer whilst BP spills oil in the oceans, whilst Thames Water pump literal sewage into UK waterways, whilst Chinese factories pump goodness knows what pollutants into the air and literally undoes any and all green efforts. All this and I have to drink out of a paper straw that disintegrates in liquid and Coca-Cola attaches their lids to the bottle so they don’t really close properly anymore. Well, guess what? I rip the lids off because ‘fuck it’.

    And please can we all stop going delulu over Labubus?