Vicky Goes On (Again)

Tag: writing

  • And now the weather…

    Photo by Anjana Menon on Unsplash

    Last week temperatures reached a high of 35°C – a record for May. I bought an AC unit, despite the fact that I am very poor and I probably have to move out soon since my landlord is selling the flat. So, it was a stupid, rash decision that I do not regret since I am now cool as a cucumber.

    Today’s temperature is 17°C. And I didn’t bring a jacket to work. And it is raining cats and, indeed, dogs.

    I’m too hot, I’m too cold. I’m 44 and my leg hurts. My hair is grey, I’m never happy. I am too much and not enough. This is what late-stage capitalism and climate change has done to me. To you too. I sometimes wonder what the future looks like and then I remember that all we wanted were the hoverboards from Back to the Future II and all we have is microplastics and cybertrucks.

    I currently work in the City of London (OK, across the road, but I walk through it) which is the financial square mile. It’s where Liverpool Street and the London Wall is… anyway, I saw one of them Waymo cars that they’re testing and I just thought: OK, but why? Not for any amazing/deep/thoughtful reason. Just, well, what is the damn point? In some US cities I can almost get on board (except they do feel dystopian whatever why I look at it) since they tend to have cities purpose built for cars. All grid system and straight lines and none of this middle ages stuff knocking about. I walk past a ruin every day and I think, “huh, look at that”. Anyway, US cities and Milton Keynes – sure have self-driving cars. But LONDON? Sheesh.

    Back to the point. The weather is making me feel insane. Yesterday there was thunder and lightning and it was very frightening. Next week we’ll be back to too hot to handle summertime blues. I cannot deal with this. This country used to be a real place. A temperate place. With snow in the Winter and picnic-weather Spring. Now, it’s too much all over the shop and I think that it should be illegal. Can someone sort this out, please?

  • Cinemas are BACK – trust me

    Just a few months ago I would have told you that cinema is in terminal decline. It’s dead as a dodo (sidenote: I WOULD LOVE TO MEET A DODO) and it’s sooo expensive and everything about it is sad and bad and terrible. But. They’re back (and air conditioned – so perfect places to escape heatwaves) and relatively inexpensive. As far as anything can be nowadays.

    I was talking to a friend about enshittification, shrinkflation, overpricing of everything. I said, surely this can all only go so far? Surely there will come a point where the system will collapse. OK, billionaires will always have the money to buy all the things but if regular people can no longer afford Primark well Primark will not make any money. We cannot (surely) get to a point where we’re just wearing rags and wandering the streets kicking stones for entertainment. My friend observed that cinemas seem to have learned this lesson and become more affordable places lately. And that’s true. £3.99 for a box of pick ‘n’ mix is doable. Sure, it’s still overpriced for what it is but it’s less than a fiver. I can handle that.

    In the news recently there was some stuff about gigs being cancelled due to low ticket sales. Consumers voted with their feet – finally! These ticket prices are too damn high. We cannot afford £700 to see some songstress. We’re trying to buy eggs FFS.
    Zayn Malik, Post Malone, Meghan Trainor… they’ve all cancelled tours. We’re broke! And look, I get it. These artists make money from touring but if your fans can’t afford it then no ticket sales and no money for you. And then when none of us can afford anything we can all kick stones for entertainment. Am I selling you on the idea of kicking stones for entertainment? I think I might be on to something. Detox from the internet with Stone Kicking™
    The 2026 World Cup is going to have some empty seats too, let me tell you. Prices range from £478 – £3,534 GBP. THREE THOUSAND POUNDS!!!!

    Photo by Mehrpouya H on Unsplash

    Anyway, go to the cinema. They’ve become reasonably priced and your feet won’t be damaged from the kicking of stones.

    I really went on a tangent there and I am sorry but there is a heatwave and I am British. And I have a boiled brain.

  • Clocks go back, clocks go forward

    We’re nearing the time of the clocks going back one hour in the UK and it is giving me my biannual opportunity to say, “why don’t we just put them back/forward1 by half an hour and LEAVE IT THAT WAY FOREVER?”

    Did you know that for a few years in the 1960s the UK did not do the back/forward clock change thing? I asked my Dad if he remembered this experiment with time and what he thought of it. He said he did remember, it made little difference, and the Scottish farmers moaned about it. I’m here now asking if we can try my thing. It’s 2025 and I am sick of coming up with these ideas (smash capitalism, create some sort of limit to the amount of money an individual can own, have a rent cap…) and no-one listening to me. It’s because they’re scared of my genius. I know. I know.

    Iceland don’t change their clocks. The country, not the shop. The shop has to change their clocks just like the rest of us. Now, if it’s good enough for Iceland (again, the country, not the shop) it’s good enough for me. That place has 6 months of darkness. They know things about Winter. Also, they seem to cope with insane landscapes and like no surnames as such. We have a lot to learn from Iceland (once more, for humour, the country…).

    Time isn’t even a real thing. It’s real in as much as time passes etc but what we call it, what we decide the time is, the date, it’s all just arbitrary. It’s all an illusion. Most everything is. I’m afraid I am feeling too delusional for this post but I also fear that I must state categorically: WE SHOULD JUST CHANGE IT BY HALF AN HOUR AND BE DONE WITH IT FOREVER.

    What’s the downside?

    Please. I want to know. What is the downside? I have spent 13 minutes Googling it and cannot find a proper response to why this is a good/bad idea thus: when I am supreme ruler of Earth (benevolent) I will try it and we will all see that I was right – this is a fine idea. Or, OR, that I was wrong and this nonsense of changing the clocks twice a year is the best way to do things. I just wanna know. My curiosity will be the death of me.

    Anyway, times a-ticking. Good luck out there. Read your oven’s manual.

    1. depends if I’m saying this in Spring or in Autumn ↩︎