Vicky Goes On (Again)

Tag: writing

  • Washing machines live longer with Vicky

    I’ve become a plumber.
    I haven’t retrained or anything but just call me Mario. My washing machine was being a bitch and I fixed it. And I only googled it twice.
    In my adult life I have become very aware that I am a practical person and I could be really proud of that but I am not. All this proves to me is, gurl I’m poor. When I first had a flatmate she thought that her lamp was broken. I asked, you’ve changed the bulb? (she gave me a look but you gotta start simple. My dad used to be a breakdown/rescue driver (had a truck. You know, can’t start your car? My dad will come pick it up or get it running again) and the number of times the solution was the customer needed fuel is astounding. Anyway, she had so good for her. I said, OK then maybe it’s the fuse.

    It was the fuse and I saved her from throwing out her lamp. And she has learned that fuses can blow and how to change them. Go us! I must add here, in her defence, when I was a kid electrical items were sold without plugs (because I’m from the Victorian Times? What? Why was this a thing?) so my dad taught me how to wire a plug. None of this makes sense. But I do have a skill.

    And what’s lamps got to do with plumbing? I’m getting there.
    I have a different flatmate. After years of living alone the solo dream is over and I now live in a nice flat. But the nice flat has a washing machine that decided it didn’t want to work. Well, guess what washing machine? I don’t want to work either but here we are. Anyway, it wouldn’t spin or drain and had clothes in it and WHAT THE HELL, MAN? I rang my brother and managed to drain, spin, and open the machine so OK great. But then this piece of shit wants to fill with water for no reason. Well. I refuse to back down to a machine.

    Anyway, I fixed it. It’s fixed. I’m a plumber. It’s all good. So, what I’m saying is: fixable things can be fixed by you. Yes, YOU. You can do it. If it’s fixable try to fix it yourself. Nowadays you don’t even need a Hayne’s Manual you can just google it and watch YouTube videos. See, the internet can be helpful still.

  • Some Might Say (we’re too nostalgic)

    Did you hear that Oasis have reunited (and it feels so good)? I’ll bet you have because from the announcement to the ticket sales fiasco to the opening shows that is all I know about the current music scene. Oasis have reformed and they’re on tour and middle-aged men are sticking on their bucket hats and sticking drugs up their noses (allegedly) and being Mad Fer It and re-living the 90s.

    Ah, the 90s when life was good and we were all so happy. No economic issues (apart from that recession in the early 90s and Black Wednesday), no wars (apart from the Gulf War, many civil wars, Al-Qaeda insurgency… look, I looked this up on Wiki and felt overwhelmed with despair so let’s not get into it), great snacks, great fashion, 5 TV channels, hey – no problems at all.
    Cool Britannia. Brit Pop. So much colour, everywhere, all of the time. No wonder grey is so popular nowadays. Although I do fear that the pendulum has swung too far away from colour. Have we never thought about the middle-ground?

    Look, I liked Oasis. I liked Blur. I liked Portishead, TLC, Madonna, Pulp, Sade. I have eclectic tastes. I even owned an Oasis T Shirt I bought on the Portobello Road. Because I was cool. And it was cheap and I lived nearby and we didn’t have the internet. And Woolworth’s still existed. And life was easy. BECAUSE YOU WERE YOUNGER. And now you’ve got kids/mortgage/knee pain (maybe all three. I just have knee pain) and you’re thinking about mortality and purpose and looking back is more comforting than looking forward. Guys, we’re here because we’re here. That’s the meaning of life.

    Oasis have reformed because they want all that sweet, sweet cash. I think this says more about the dire state of the music industry than anything else. Artists have always been the people who profit the least from their music. They used to make some money from selling their music and now they don’t. They make money from touring. From merch. They don’t even make money from streaming. Isn’t that absolutely bat-shit insane? But record companies make money, don’t they? They always manage to profit. Wankers.

    What do we do about this? Support local bands. Go to small live music venues. This props up local bars and pubs, allows music lovers to see live music without selling a kidney for tickets, supports talent and not corporations and maybe will make us all bring a little bit of the 90s to this god forsaken time.

  • ChatGPT can be helpful, I guess

    Listen, listen, listen, hear me out, shh, wait, I know, I know, I agree but shh, hush, wait, HOLD UP.

    I do not like AI. I do not like that AI is being put into, onto, and around everything. What is the point? Why do we need smart fridges which are connected to the internet? And then you’re going to put an AI in it? What for? I am sick of everything being an app. But…

    BUT. Sometimes you can use ChatGPT (other language models are available. Probably.) for stuff and it’s OK.

    This week I have made ChatGPT tell me approximately how many calories are in all the meals I am going to eat (not helpful if you have an eating disorder but I just have disordered eating so that’s fine) and I also did a Spanish tarot card spread (prompt, if you would like to do this yourself, “please do a tarot spread using Spanish playing cards”) and it said some stuff and I was satisfied for 15 minutes which is 15 minutes of satisfaction I needed on a Monday morning. In the past I have used it to create a ‘sticker’ that I could not find on the WhatsApp sticker choices (prompt I used “sophisticated British fox” because I was talking about London foxes. Obviously.) and I feel that it appealed to the reader in a way I wouldn’t have been able to. I have also asked it to improve this paragraph in a job application I was writing and sent it the paragraph and used maybe 5% of what it said. But that 5% was helpful. I mean, I got the job.

    I think, much like using search engines to try to find the information you need it really, ultimately, comes down to the user. And we all know what users are like.

    All that being said, I do not like Big Tech bros being you know how they are and Big Tech companies shaping our world. I have watched ALL of Black Mirror several times, thanks. And I don’t want that. All THAT being said, I for one welcome our AI overlords when they decide to turn on humanity. Thanks Alexa/Siri/the other one/Cortana/Sklorp et cetera