Delulu for Labubu

I am sick of overconsumption. Not only because of the planet’s inevitable death under a pile of plastic but because it’s just bullshit.
This all started winding me up with those Stanley Cups. I first heard about them and thought, ‘surely people aren’t going crazy over a Canadian Ice Hockey tournament.’ And I was right. People were going crazy over REUSABLE (please note the ‘reusable’) cups. I’ll admit, I own 2 water bottles. But one is bigger than the other and I use them. Both. OK, I gave the smaller one to the flatmate but he uses it. Sometimes.
We’ve lived through so many fads (fidget spinners, scoubidous, Cabbage Patch Dolls, etc etc etc) but the Stanley Cup broke me and the Labubus are twisting the knife. Not only are those cups like £65 (not an exaggeration) but people were losing their minds collecting all of the colours, and then they buy bullshit accessories to add to them. A little cap, a tray, a pocket you can stick on the side. Then there are special ice cube molds for them, because heaven forbid you use regular ice cubes. Like a poor person.

And now Labubus.

Those are Labubus. And they are stupid. Look, I am not one to yuck someone’s yum but they’re just transparently addictive bullshit. Their USP is that they come in blind boxes, i.e. you don’t know which one you’re getting until you open it. That is so obviously a means to fuck with our addiction and dopamine sensors that I am sickened that people continue to fall for this. I can’t blame the companies. They are capitalist pigdogs who obviously want to make all of the money all of the time. I am sickened by the people falling for it. Time and time and time again.

When I first heard of the Labubu I thought people were talking about Moncchichi.

Moncchichi was an innocent guy and now he’s tarred by this nonsense. Maybe he was at the beginning of this nonsense but at least there was none of the addiction high-jacking. You know where you were with this little guy.

And the Labubu shit isn’t just about buying nonsense toys. On the one hand “they” want us to recycle and use paper straws and then on the other hand they’re selling us all this fucking shit and, the thing that really gets up my goat, WE FUCKING BUY IT.

On the subject of recycling – I watched as a street sweeper emptied the recycling bin into the general waste bin and then put all that rubbish into one bigger bin. So, answer me: what the hell is any of this even for? Anyway, they put all the responsibility onto the consumer whilst BP spills oil in the oceans, whilst Thames Water pump literal sewage into UK waterways, whilst Chinese factories pump goodness knows what pollutants into the air and literally undoes any and all green efforts. All this and I have to drink out of a paper straw that disintegrates in liquid and Coca-Cola attaches their lids to the bottle so they don’t really close properly anymore. Well, guess what? I rip the lids off because ‘fuck it’.

And please can we all stop going delulu over Labubus?