Vicky Goes On (Again)

Words you may read…

  • Clocks go back, clocks go forward

    We’re nearing the time of the clocks going back one hour in the UK and it is giving me my biannual opportunity to say, “why don’t we just put them back/forward1 by half an hour and LEAVE IT THAT WAY FOREVER?”

    Did you know that for a few years in the 1960s the UK did not do the back/forward clock change thing? I asked my Dad if he remembered this experiment with time and what he thought of it. He said he did remember, it made little difference, and the Scottish farmers moaned about it. I’m here now asking if we can try my thing. It’s 2025 and I am sick of coming up with these ideas (smash capitalism, create some sort of limit to the amount of money an individual can own, have a rent cap…) and no-one listening to me. It’s because they’re scared of my genius. I know. I know.

    Iceland don’t change their clocks. The country, not the shop. The shop has to change their clocks just like the rest of us. Now, if it’s good enough for Iceland (again, the country, not the shop) it’s good enough for me. That place has 6 months of darkness. They know things about Winter. Also, they seem to cope with insane landscapes and like no surnames as such. We have a lot to learn from Iceland (once more, for humour, the country…).

    Time isn’t even a real thing. It’s real in as much as time passes etc but what we call it, what we decide the time is, the date, it’s all just arbitrary. It’s all an illusion. Most everything is. I’m afraid I am feeling too delusional for this post but I also fear that I must state categorically: WE SHOULD JUST CHANGE IT BY HALF AN HOUR AND BE DONE WITH IT FOREVER.

    What’s the downside?

    Please. I want to know. What is the downside? I have spent 13 minutes Googling it and cannot find a proper response to why this is a good/bad idea thus: when I am supreme ruler of Earth (benevolent) I will try it and we will all see that I was right – this is a fine idea. Or, OR, that I was wrong and this nonsense of changing the clocks twice a year is the best way to do things. I just wanna know. My curiosity will be the death of me.

    Anyway, times a-ticking. Good luck out there. Read your oven’s manual.

    1. depends if I’m saying this in Spring or in Autumn ↩︎

  • Simple Pleasures

    “I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different” -Kurt Vonnegut

    Life is hard. It’s cold, and bleak, and then you’re dead. But also – it’s fun and full of trees, and friends, and laughter, and the dappled sunlight through branches on a summer’s day. It’s full of depression and it’s full of ice cold drinks and warm cocoa. It’s full of disappointing Pot Noodles and a lovingly cooked Sunday roast.

    Here is therefore a non-exhaustive list of simple pleasures:

    • Trees
    • Wandering about with friends (or no-one but it’s a nice day nonetheless)
    • Sitting
    • Taking off your shoes (or bra, or tie, or belt, or jeans)
    • Finally eating something you’ve been craving (a lovely ice cream or a cuppa or a cold lager on a hot day. Or a Diet Coke)
    • Laughing until your sides hurt
    • Sharing a meal with friends (sometimes that friend is a squirrel)
    • Having a really good cry
    • Rainbows
    • Lying in bed
    • The evening before a day off (this is more satisfying than the day off in a lot of ways)
    • Waking up feeling refreshed. So rare!
    • Not having a cold
    • Finding an amount of money in a coat pocket you haven’t worn in a while
    • Eating pick ‘n’ mix in the cinema
    • The sound of waves

    There’s more, I know, but this is what I could think of just right now so this will do. I have been very busy at work so posting has been paused for the moment. Back to regularly scheduled oversharing soon.

    And remember to fart around more. It’s wild out there!

  • Pumpkin Spice Lattes and fall (of mankind)

    The Commercialisation of Christmas Autumn

    I blame Starbucks. No, I blame the Americans. Hmmm, I suppose they made Starbucks so maybe I blame Starbucks. I blame Starbucks and Instagram and social media and white women and capitalism.
    Babes, it’s always capitalism.
    I agree that we all need to squeeze whatever pleasure we can out of the world and if you want a pumpkin spice latte and an aesthetic pic to post on IG with a browning leaf in the background then who am I to stop you? But, and do hear me out here, I feel like when all the corporations are getting in on the act maybe take a moment to pause and think, ‘do I really want this fuzzy pumpkin table decoration or am I just being sold stuff?’

    That was a long sentence and I apologise.

    We are always just being sold stuff.
    Do you like Autumn? Do you want to tell the world that you’re a GIRL who likes candles and hot drinks and pumpkins with bows on them (?) and burnt orange? Why not buy this piece of fast fashion from Shein (surprise!) for only £8. The thing is, that is a really nice colour t.shirt. Can I get that but without the nonsense graphic?

    What about a mug that only really makes sense for 4 months of the year (IF I’M BEING GENEROUS)? Again, that is a pretty nice looking mug. Let’s make it ridiculous. Because it is a *Season*. And, I get it, you are a company that sells stuff so you think of ways to sell stuff. That’s showbiz, baby. And Halloween is a fun, spooky time of year that somewhat acts as a barrier between Summer Fun tat and Christmas tat. Great. Except it doesn’t, not really. You just get Halloween AND Christmas stuff in the shops (and Thanksgiving stuff if you’re in the USA) so every corner you turn you see variations of this:

    Christmas pumpkin disco mayhem bauble.

    And the flavours! Oh the flavours you get. Like Willy Wonka in an Autumn fever dream. Cinnamon this, pumpkin that. Nutmeg, cloves. It’s never garlic and basil is it? Is it?

    Finally, pumpkin is not a spice. What spice is pumpkin spice? This isn’t about pumpkin spice, really.

    I’m tired.